Between or Among? or I’ll Be Hanged If I’m Hung: Terse Verses for
Grammarians and Wannabes
These 101 lessons in verse cover
grammar, word usage, and pronunciation, providing a lively
alternative to dry English grammar textbooks. For example, do you
know that convince and persuade are not interchangeable? Why these
kind is bad grammar? When to use lie or lay? Give it to your spouse,
teenager, or boss as a gift. Click to test your own grammar skills.
•
Why these kind
is bad grammar?
•
That persuade
and convince
are not
interchangeable?
•
When to use lay
or lie?
•
How to pronounce ophthalmologist
correctly?
This book of 101 English lessons in terse verse is aimed at
"high school" and "highbrow" alike. It is an excellent
supplement to English grammar textbooks. If you're too timid to
correct your co-workers' speech, slip them this book as a gift.
Even linguistic purists will find some revelations in these
pages.
In a teacherly tone that includes cajolery and skirts sarcasm -
all held together by outrageous humor - Beam never talks down.
Lessons cover grammar, word usage, and pronunciation. In each
verse the rule under discussion appears in bold type for easy
identification. Instructive and entertaining, this book will
enliven any discussion and enhance your office, powder room, or
coffee table.
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Sample Poems
Pronunciation
example:
Ax and
Ask
The letters s, k,
can cause some distress.
Somehow they reverse, sounding more like k, s. A, k, s sounds like ax, as in forty whacks.
You can ask Lizzie Borden who wielded the ax.
If you ask Mom in public, you've no need to rue it.
But, please, if you ax her, go indoors to do it.
Grammar example:
Me or I?
She gave me a ticket and
plenty of hell.
She gave Johnny the same kind of lecture, as well. She gave John ... she gave me...she gave John and whom? Did you say, "John and I?" Get out! Leave the room!
Who's changing pronouns? Now what's going on?
Must we change me to I with the advent of John?
To do so would be a colossal mistake.
Shall we table this subject? It's time for a break.
Word Usage example:
Hanged
and Hung
Hung is for
objects; it’s
hanged for the living,
And hanged by the neck can be quite unforgiving.
The man was not hanged, for the jury was hung.
The jurors slunk homeward, unthanked and unsung.
The rib roast is missing. Now where did it go?
As a person, you answer, “I’ll be hanged if I know.”
If you’re a dog (who can talk) might you state,
“I’d rather be hung.” Would it alter your fate?
I don’t want to confuse you, but Picasso was hung
In galleries, not gallows. (Are you coming unstrung?)
You can hang as a person, even hang out at the zoo,
Or even acquire a hang-up or two.
Be it artwork or laundry or curtains and such, Hung or hanged makes a difference, but not very much.
Highlights about and by the
Author:
Eliana Liatti Beam
When I finished with high
school, the Depression was there;
Employment was ailing and gasping for air
So, college was out, cardboard innersoles in,
Jogging unheard of, and everyone thin.
So, when ego was finally trampled to dust,
I took any old job. One does what one must.
As a second-maid then, unwilling but able,
I learned how to set a magnificent table,
With roses and candles and finger-bowls, too.
Oh, well, I can laugh and, believe me, I do!
Now let's jump ahead to dictation and phones,
To dating and dancing, house-hunting and loans --
To a time when the pill was still bucking bad weather,
And our children, all five, arrived too close together.
With no time on my hands and no coins in my purse,
I taught myself how to write lyrical verse.
By the time I was publishing, safe in my stride,
Traditional poetry sickened and died.
I had thirty-one years with the love of my youth,
Now I wasn't yet seedy nor long in the tooth.
With my kids out of school, it was my turn at last.
I took courses in Cleveland and Athens and passed!
With lyrical poetry dead in its grave,
I then turned to art and the solace it gave,
And when I got good, when I started to sell,
My eyesight betrayed me. Oh, dammit to hell!
And so I crocheted, and my work covered acres.
I gave afghans away 'til I ran out of takers.
Now talking books cheer me; I won't go 'round the bend.
I can read with my ears and still laugh with a friend.
by Eliana Liatti Beam
Test
Your English IQ
The book includes a test. Below is a sample.
1. I feel ______ for making you
wait.
a. badly
b. bad
2. I would have been on
time if she _______ not late.
a. were
b. was
3. Either your dogs
or your cat ______ chewed my shoes.
a. have
b. has
4. _____ wants a
scholarship, has to study hard.
a. Whoever
b. Whomever
5. John only goes
jogging on Thursdays.
How many days each week does John go jogging?
a. one
b. can't tell
c. every day
6. She took John and ______ to
the opera.
a. me
b. I
7. Keep this secret
between you and _____.
a. me
b. I
8. When something
happens more than once, it _______.
a. recurs
b. reoccurs
9. The rock star sued
the tabloid for ______.
a. libel
b. slander
10. Today at work I
______ down for 30 minutes.
a. lie
b. laid
c. lay
d. layed
Scroll Down for
Answer Key
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Answer Key
1. b
2. a
3. b
4. a
5. b
6. a
7. a
8. a
9. a
10. c
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